In My Dreams I Flee
Below is a sketch inspired by the the Hays' ADDRESSING Model (Hays 2008). The sketch depicts my Irish roots, 90's childhood, Southern Christian Upbringing, and artistic inclinations. I also explore those factors in detail in this post. Exploring first the roots of a tree from a Tree of Life symbology, I drew myself asleep and dreaming. Nighttime held the container for my spiritual awakening symptoms until the most recent of years. Contact with the spiritual world as well as generational and this life's trauma would surface nightly. Without any parental or outside guidance to manage my dream world, my young self turned inward to processing the meanings and experiences.
The picture above depicts some generation influences including the Challenger explosion and 9-11 tragedies. I included those in this picture as they represent my disassociation with those events as well as my curiosity about how they define some of the questions and doubts I hold about the official, Americanized narratives of historical and current affairs that have been taught and shown to me as a child growing up with private school, conservative edited text books. If I look around at myself and peers today in curiosity as we are still being fed narratives but now through algorithms on our screens according to our "likes" and "dislikes."
Growing up in the late eighties and nineties, Disney was an escapism that was very timely for my generation. A mickey mouse symbol was placed in the picture to depict this aspect. I remember going to the Toy Story movie around 1997 with my parents and being surprised afterwards when my dad expressed he didn't relate well to animated features. I was shocked. I remember that moment as being an important awareness of our generational differences. For all the old soulness I carried even then - knowing who figures like Tommy Dorsey or Mel Torme as if I was around my grandparent's during the 40s - still I cannot separate myself from the magic of Disney and it's spell over my young, escapist, consumer in training mind.
Around 8 or 9 I was diagnosed with ADD. I was put on Ritalin. I never felt the struggle of "having ADD" at that time except the shame of being on of those Dixie cup kids at lunchtime. Their was also an isolation of being seen as needing tutoring, extra help or time on tests, having teachers meet about me after school to talk